Life is pretty hectic these days. Between work, kids, hobbies, and everything else life has to offer, it can feel like there are never enough hours in the day. Balancing all these commitments can be a challenge, and it’s easy for our relationships to take a backseat. But fear not! With a little intention and effort, we can maintain a strong and thriving marriage, even in the midst of our busy lives.

I feel lucky to be one of the few to have married my best friend. However, keeping my marriage strong isn’t easy. We have our challenges, things we disagree on and things we think the other should be doing. We make it work pretty amazingly.

1. Something to keep in mind

Like I said, we are best friends. I couldn’t find a better person than my husband. He’s supportive in the ways I need, giving me constructive criticism, and I hope I do the same for him. We balance each other, but I think the most important thing is we keep in mind the importance of having a successful relationship.

When we are getting criticism from each other, and I think it’s important in life to take criticism this way from everyone, we keep in mind that the person is trying to help not judge. Taking things negatively is more than likely your own insecurities coming to the surface especially when it’s something we haven’t heard before from someone else.

2. Communicate and listen

We make time for each other. Weather it’s date night, or just taking half an hour to have a good conversation at night. We will stop what we are doing and talk. Now there are time when we are in the middle of something that we will let the other know that we just need a second, like in the middle of making dinner or working on a project, it’s best to let them know you’re in the middle of something.

I actually learned this from him. A couple years ago he started doing this. When I start talking, he stops whatever it was he’s doing and actively listens and responds, or he lets me know he needs time and then comes back to listen once he is done. He does this with our daughters too, and I’ve noticed over all our family unit has become much tight nit. I myself am still working on doing this, I’m sure many of you moms can relate to the kids doing the “look what I can do” while you’re trying to get things done. In the end, if you take the time to make your family communication a priority it makes your relationships easier to deal with, and you have more respect for one another. Do your significant other and children a favor and listen to them when they are talking to you, have your responses be thoughtful, and make sure when you have something important to talk to them about that they are engaged in the conversation.

3. Go on dates

We have importuned dates. By this I mean we will get lunch out together when we go out to run errands. We make it a point to turn something like a trip to Home Depot a date. Walking around and looking at things in the store, stopping for a meal and really taking in our conversations about things that have happened and our future plans. It’s crazy to me to look at other couple when we’re in restaurants just looking at their phones, not talking to each other.

On the rare occasion we don’t have a busy month, like when the kids are off season for sports, we go on actual date nights. Set aside time on a Friday or Saturday and dress-up. Go out for a weekend at least once a year, even just camping gets you that rest and brings you back to what brought you together in the first place.

My husband has become a master of surprise, the only thing I know is the day and what type of clothes I need to wear. While this works for us it might not work for every personality, but I love the fact that I can just relax and go with whatever is happening.

4. Find common interests, or new ones

Take a class together, workout together, or join a recreational group together. While, it can be hard to find time, just something you do together away from your kids once a week is a huge benefit to keeping your relationship fresh.

My husband and I have a goal of making ourselves healthy. In doing this together we have conversations surrounding this everyday. Our kids benefit from this as well, having a house that focuses on health makes being healthy easier for everyone. We find common parts of our goals to work on together, setting up our home gym, finding vitamins and supplements we can both have, and being involved the same martial arts gym.

We also work together; no this isn’t how we met. Getting to commute gives us time together we didn’t have before and getting to talk to each other throughout the day even though we don’t see each other. Knowing who the other one is talking about and the quicks of their personalities is a huge bonding experience for us.

Finding little interest adds up to big bonding. Making us closer, every year I think we couldn’t be any closer and then something will happen that makes me realize we are closer than we were last year.

5. Realize their value

While making fun of your spouse to others is normalized, I don’t find it’s healthy. This encourages you to think negatively about them, and that makes it easier to drift apart.

Find ways to speak positively about them. Let others know you value them and that they are worthy of you. Because in the end they are worthy of you and you of them, otherwise they wouldn’t be with you. I try my best to only speak positively of my husband and children, even when I’m making a joke about them, I find something innocent and unharmful but even then, I feel bad for saying it. It is best to avoid saying anything that isn’t positive.

Find them attractive. I know, you’ve been together forever right, my husband and I have been together almost 20 years now. Find the things in them you were first attracted to. I never would have through my husband would still find me attractive through all the weight fluctuations, all the year, but he does. I look for opportunities to tell him he’s attractive in different ways, from just plain saying he’s handsome to just kissing him while he’s walking by me. Doing this enforces the sense that we are still in love.

Treat them as though you value them. Find ways to complement them, make them something to eat when you’re making yourself something to eat. Thank them for making you something to eat and mean it. Being thankful for them in general and letting them know you are makes them feel like you do find them valuable and isn’t that what we all want. Follow the golden rule more with your significant other than anyone else.

6. Say I love you

Finding the perfect moments doesn’t do you any good. Just saying I love you randomly is an amazing feeling. My husband and I say it all the time, when we go to bed, when we leave each other to go to work, when one of us leaves to run errands and just throughout the day when we’re home.

I’ll be in the kitchen cooking and he’ll come-up behind me and just give me a hug, tell me he loves me and ask if he can help. I’ll go hang out with him in the garage or while he’s on the computer and make sure I don’t just say it but that he knows I mean it.

I feel like it’s a lost art to make sure you know you still loves each other. I don’t know that my husband and I ever stopped doing this. There have been time in the past, during arguments and disagreements, that we have forgotten all of this, but we always comeback to it. Stay in the honeymoon phase forever.

Closing thoughts

Just being aware that you want your relationship to succeed will help it succeed. Stop looking for ways to make them look like they don’t value you and make them see you value them. Make each other the priority, after all you are the only family member each other chose. Your spouse is the most important person in your life besides you.

Communicating with each other and being open to the fact that they are a different person than you. They have their own goals and ideas. Just make sure you talk to them and listen to them. Their opinion matters.

Taking time to be together just the two of you. Finding every opportunity you can and setting time aside to go on real dates. Try to surprise one another.

Take time to spend time together. Join the same gym, take a class, anything you can do to make sure you are spending quality time together and are moving in the same direction.

Value each other. Show that you value each other. Let them know what you want and let them know what you want.

Above all, SAY I LOVE YOU! say it, mean it. Make sure you know you love each other no matter how long you have been together.